I learned an important lesson yesterday, my birthday.

Some good, some not so good

Again, I learned an important lesson yesterday, my birthday. 

First, a short note about the image above. I attached this image because my birthday wasn't a perfect day because of it. It shows Rashford’s reactions to Westham's goal. His hands weren’t on his head because we conceded but because De Gea’s huge and amateur error led to the goal. I hope De Gea pays for his crime by not getting a new deal.

I hope.

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So, yesterday made me think about the different types of friendships and how it shows up in so many different weird and wonderful ways in my life. So I penned down a list of the different types of friends who have floated in and out of my life over the years, and I counted ten (or so) types of friends.

Some good, some not so good.

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Childhood friends

These are people from school, from the community. They've known me since I was young as 6. I've watched them grow up and they have watched me grow up. I've seen so many bad partners, bad decisions, bad habits and still love each other. 

Some, we've something in common. Some we don't. But it doesn’t matter, because the shared history is so meaningful. And this is why love Facebook. The only app that would get me worried if it’s shutting down permanently is Facebook. I have friends and family there. Friends from childhood.

The once-a-year friend

These are friends I see or talk to once a year. Some of them messaged me yesterday. 

We used to be closer and we drifted, but we still want to be in each other’s lives. No bad vibes. 🤗

 The hobby friend

Haha, I've many of them. We only do writing, drinking, watching football and doing hobby-related stuff together.

But it’s enough to be in each other’s company doing the one thing we both enjoy. Some of my current loyal pals used to be in this category.

The frenemy friend

They flit in and out of my life pretty harmlessly but are seemingly always slightly competing.

Not a real friend.

Industry friends

This means having writerly work and marketing friends, supporting each other’s work from afar, all over the world.  Just like the connections I've formed on this platform. 

A lovely note, someone in the community who gives me a thumbs up every now and again.

Friend's friends who are now my friends

I've now been friends with Bunmi's friends for over 5 years, so I think they can safely be classed as my friends too. Surely. 

The trial friend

Friends I'm testing out. People who want to be in my life. They want to be closer. But I've been in between. You get it.

The friend I broke up with

And we still check each other's WhatsApp stories most weeks. 

That's all. We don't talk. Just follow silently.

Loyal friends

We don’t expect anything in return from each other besides our friendship. We don't even have to talk daily. We didn't become friends for clout or ulterior motives. That doesn’t mean we aren’t helping each other. In fact, we do all the time. 

But we don’t keep score. If I noticed feel like you have to keep score with me, I move you out of this category.

They're my friends on my best day and my worst. Always in my corner even when the whole world has written me off. Even when I've failed, lost my clout, run out of money, emotionally broken down, and whatever the hell else life throws.

When shit hits the fan, they also always can call me and I’ll pick up. If necessary, I’ll drop everything, break you out of jail, start a war — whatever needs to be done.

The takeaway from this:

Not everyone has to be a best friend to count, and in fact, some friendships thrive with the pressure taken off. Some of my favourite people are just casual friends, there’s no real label on them. 

Conscious or unconscious. You can’t be all things to all people. You can’t be the perfect friend in every situation to everyone.

At some point, you have to choose. 

These are the choices I’ve made for myself. The tradeoffs I’ve accepted.

I’m sorry I can’t be or do it all. But I love you. And appreciate you accepting what I do have to give.